You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
