my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
