Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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