Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
whose parrot is this?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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