She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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