first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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