grandma shit on top of the toilet
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
