How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
