2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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