you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
