OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
