I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
