So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
