im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
