You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
