the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
