She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
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Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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