I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
