Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
