Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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