The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
