my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
