yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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