when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Floor bacon is actually really good
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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