is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
