It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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