I'm lost and stupid without you.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
