your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
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She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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