I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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