thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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