after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
