the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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