You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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