I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
