Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
