I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
