oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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