There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
