I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
