you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
