8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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