I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
