Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
