watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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