My Higher Power is John Stamos
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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