I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize