I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He has the fingertips of a God
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