Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
