I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
