how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
