i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my shit smells like andre
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
