i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
