Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
