I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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