just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
