So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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