Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
