I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
