I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
