So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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