I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
