I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
