that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
