well I can't set my house on fire every night
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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