and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
