I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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