Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
