I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
