there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
