drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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