so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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